Monday, October 28, 2013

Where has the time gone?????

So it is THAT time of the year where there is no avoiding pink and breast cancer information and displays of boobie-saving materials.  And somehow, I still try to avoid posting and making a big fuss. There are two friends locally who are not here this year to get out and cheer for our group of survivors.  My heart still breaks over the loss of these two women and I can't imagine the loss their families continue to feel each and every day.
And some people are just completely disgusted by the wash of pink on merchandise and the various organizations asking for support.  I am somewhere in the middle.  Pink was a color that I loved prior to my breast cancer journey, so wearing it last year was easy.  This year, though, I have found myself avoiding it most days.  Denial?  Maybe.  I don't know.  But so many organizations were really so helpful to us that I hope this is a good opportunity for them to raise some awareness and much needed funds.
I think part of me just wants to move on.  Move forward.  But I am still in the journey.  Only a month ago, I had a hysterectomy in order to deal with some cysts that had been problematic.  These issues existed before my cancer diagnosis, but seemed to be even worse after my treatment and potentially because of one of my new "anti-cancer" drugs.  And the word "cyst" just really kept freaking me out though they continued to assure me that these were probably nothing.  "Probably" just wasn't good enough and, quite frankly, I no longer needed my girlie-parts.  I have triplets.  My family is complete.  And the risks far outweighed the benefits for me so I kicked those girlie parts to the curb.
Recovery has gone relatively well, though I think my bladder is still adjusting to its new space.  And the part where I am not supposed to lift anything is just wishful thinking on my doctor's part.  Do you know how much laundry is generated in our house?!?!
Next on my "breast-cancer-to-do-list" is a left-side prophylactic mastectomy (meaning that no cancer has been found on my left side, but I want it removed).  Following that it will be time for reconstruction.  I have been told to wait until a year from the completion of my radiation treatment, so nothing can happen until at least mid-January 2014.  Now is the time to find a breast surgeon, a plastic surgeon and also make the decisions regarding what type of reconstruction I will choose.  All of these topics have been touched upon, but I paid little attention as it wasn't where I was in my journey, but now is the time.  Please feel free to send me a message if you have any suggestions or advice to offer
I find that my memories of treatment are foggy.  Maybe this is the "blessing" of chemo-brain?  I am thankful that I can tell others who are beginning treatment or even recently diagnosed that it really is a journey and about a year later you can hardly believe what you went through.  You ARE stronger than you think.  You friends, family, neighbors, co-workers and medical personnel will bless you more than you could ever imagine.  And you just may find that you want to be a part of getting someone else through their journey.  You might feel the need to BE a blessing.  That's where I am and  I continue to seek out the place where I can do the most good, but still be a good mommy, because those three kiddos are still my reason for living,

Right now, my heart is heavy over the sudden life-threatening illness of a high school friend.  She is in the fight of her life as I type this and I just want to ask anyone reading this to please keep this young woman in your prayers.  She has a 6 y/o son who needs his mommy home with him.