Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Happy Birthday!

You know, it's one of those days where I just felt like I needed to pause and post something.  Today is my birthday.  That might sound sort of arrogant to share it here, but quite frankly, I'm pretty thrilled to have another birthday.  And I hope to have many more.  This year has freaked me out just a bit and so my birthday is something to celebrate, but I've felt a little "off" all day.

It seems that I needed to write on this particular day because of what I am going through now.  One day, I hope that cancer won't be the first thing on my mind everyday.  Maybe I'll forget that 2012 was the year I had cancer?  I might not even remember that I was in the midst of cancer treatment when I had my forty-third birthday.  It is what I do right now.  I kick cancer booty.  I'm not working as an accountant, but instead I'm trying to kick some breast cancer booty while still being a mom, a wife, a sister, a friend, etc.  Cancer does not define me, but I can't imagine not thinking about it all of the time like I do now.  It has changed me - my perspective, my priorities, my faith, my relationships.  My life, as it was pre-cancer, is not the same.

Is that good?  Probably.  I think I needed a swift kick in the pants.  But did I think that cancer would be the life-altering event in my life?  Nope.  I definitely didn't see this one coming.  And it has definitely been a blessing in its own unique way.

This year, I didn't plan a big dinner out with friends and hubby.  I wasn't expecting a party or a vacation.  In fact, I was ready to be in bed by 8p after a big day of celebrating as the current booty-kicking-me who wears out quickly.  But not the celebrating that one might think.  Troy brought home my favorite breakfast treat from Dunkin Donuts (Bavarian Cream!) this morning after he dropped Clark at school.  I read books (and snuggled under a freshly laundered quilt) with the girls in the sunroom while he got ready for work.  I had a nice lunch with friends.  I had some special time with Clark after I picked him up from school with a trip to Einstein Bagels and then a quick trip to the park.  I took a thirty minute nap.  Dinner was at home with the kids (they didn't eat much which meant no special birthday dessert for any of them - boo!) and Nanny Barb and Mr. Jerry.  I made my favorite pork tenderloin.  (Troy is working a strange schedule right now as he is involved in training a new group of employees, so he wasn't home yet.)  And then I spent some time reading with Emma, playing space ship with Clark and Kendall before snuggling for bedtime with them.  And I am pooped.  Stupid chemo.

But I was able to celebrate my birthday today and that's all that matters.  So I'm thanking God for my birthday and the chance to celebrate it, despite the fact that I don't feel like "me" and I'm so tired, I'm truly grateful for another year.


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