Every night (for months and months) I have gone to bed and listened first (and maybe last) to the YouTube video of Carrie Underwood and Vince Gill performing "How Great Thou Art". Often I fall asleep before it is even over. Other times, I cannot get to sleep and I move on to a version of "It Is Well" sung by Daniel Martin Moore. I also have an app with white noise, ocean waves, rain drops, etc. But I find myself waking up pleased when I can tell that the last thing my mind was hearing as it shut down for the day was a reminder that He is my Savior and that because of this I can rest knowing it is all going to be OK. Sometimes you just have to trust in Him and have faith that He has a bigger plan than we can ever imagine.
I write that knowing that I feel like I know what the best outcome would be, but obviously He already knows how this will end....and when.
And whenever that may be, I have to feel blessed because of all that has come from my cancer diagnosis. The new relationships I have formed. The old relationships that have been strengthened. The people who might find their breast cancer early because of hearing my story. The fact that I have a chance to adjust my priorities. The ways we have been blessed by so many family members, friends, co-workers and even strangers who have wanted to do something to help our family as we go through this cancer journey. And the ways I hope to serve others going through their journey. All of these things have happened, are happening or will happen one day soon because of my breast cancer diagnosis. How cool is that?!?!
So yes, sometimes the storm is raging. Whether it's in my head, or in some form of a side effect from the treatment, there is a storm-a-brewing. Maybe it is in the realization that another breast cancer friend is suffering and my heart is breaking and asking the "why" questions. Which also always leads to the "what will happen to me?" question and "what about my kids?" question. And then I think "How great thou art!" and "it is will with my soul" because God is there in all of these storms. He knows the outcome. He will work this out for His good. [Rom 8:28 NIV And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.]
You can check out the Carrie Underwood/Vince Gill "How Great Thou Art" YouTube video here.
And you can check out Daniel Martin Moore performing "It Is Well" here.