Wednesday, May 9, 2012


I had my mastectomy (right-side only at this point) on May 3rd. I was discharged from the hospital before lunchtime on May 4th and spent the rest of the weekend recovering at my sister-in-law's house in Nashville. My sister and her hubby were in Nashville to be there with me as well.

Thursday just didn't happen for me. Seriously, I barely remember anything from that day as a result of the Xanex that I was given to deal with my anxiety prior to surgery and then the anesthesia for surgery. I do remember when they told Troy he should say goodbye to me because they were going to get started soon and that was it. Lights out. Apparently I was awake around 4 or 5p and we spoke, but I don't remember it and the next time I remember communicating was later that evening.

It is so odd to feel like an entire day went by and you missed it. On Friday, I kept referring to things "yesterday" and was corrected (more than once) that it was really Wednesday when these things happened because "yesterday" was the day of my surgery.

"Yesterday." It was the day that they removed my right breast. At the time, I was so relieved that I had it behind me that I barely noticed what things looked like in front of me. I haven't paid too much attention to what I look like, though I have my moments. Today was one of those moments that I am not proud of and wish I could erase. I woke up irritated and uncomfortable and angry that I had been maimed. The "why me" thing kept running through my head.

And then this afternoon, showers of blessings fell (again). And I was reminded that God knows all of this that is happening right now. He knows the reason. For that matter, He knows the outcome, I think. So, HE is working on me. Through my illness, He is working through me. I am already finding so many ways He has blessed me, despite my cancer diagnosis...BECAUSE of my cancer diagnosis. And I am finding ways that I can bless others. And that, my friends, is huge. I want to be able to bless others. He can make it happen.

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